after dirk lance's departure from incubus comes in ben kenney from the hip hop band the roots. pretty impressive decisison to replace dirk (real name: alex katunich) but it wouldn't be the same without him. surely, incubus would have a totally different sound - i mean, when lyfe was kicked out of the band and was replaced by kilmore, the music just evolved and became so different and spankin' cool - not that it wasn't cool with lyfe, but you get my point. my point being that just a different talented person will form a new concoction and i couldn't imagine the new incubus music revolution. it is something that i am "excitedly" waiting for. at this point in time, i'm addicted to incubus quotes: those lines they say are something more than hysterical wit. i wish i said those first. haha! i still love brandon boyd. (i'm in love with the dude: his mind, talent and sensitivity is so f*ckin' amazing - his good looks are also a bonus. too bad i don't know him personally. hehe.)

but anyway. i just like to say i like these converse shoes called chuck taylor. i like the half chucks, you know... not those high-cut, 12 holes ala doc martins. the colors are simply amazing. my eyes are having a feast right now. say where? why at http://converse.com - that's where. and to all my ninongs and ninangs, donations in cash or in kind would be greatly accepted.

nah. just kiddin'. i'm far too greedy this season. i still have to wear down the soles of my shoes. so then maybe a few months from now, take my notices seriously. alrighty. i'll shut up.

why am i putting this in the guestbook anyway. this ought to be in my blog. ah schmuck, this will also be in my blog.

mwahhahaha!

oh summer! thou heat heat is getting to me.

fyi: i also posted this at my other blog, in preparation for the rescheming and revamping of my webpage. but it doesn't matter right now. i'm weird and weird is good.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTENTION!

TNT wannabes (rather, those who signed up for it) here's the sched for the deal.

Sign-ups for the first week of Interview are the week of April 23: this is the first week of summer class.
Interviews will be the week after that. (And your interview will all depend on the day and time that you signed up for.)

On your interview, bring a 1x1 pic (or any pic of yourself, not necessarily 1x1) and come 10 minutes prior to your interview time (think FL orals). Do not forget to bring your secret weapon for your interview.

If you pass the first interview, you will be contacted for your the second. A newer set of instructions will be given there. Goodluck TNT wannabes.

We will not die because of bio-chem & nuclear warfare I tell you. We will die instead because of humanity's own wrecklessness and complacency towards innovation all for the sake of greater business and a higher return of money.

I am talking about building restaurants right beside the gasoline station with their smoking area right outside the restaurant premises (that is barely 5 meters away from the gasoline pump). Although it is so convenient to have restaurants within the premises of the gas station, I think it is very stupid to risk the people in the whole area all because of a careless smoke.

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

How on earth did they get their working permits?

And you know what drives me crazier? The fact that people think that it's very safe to have smokers smoke not more than 5 meters away from the gasoline pump.

Now you tell me. What is the world coming to?

*bleah*

I am extremely grateful to Pisy for looking and giving me the mp3 format of my song of the moment, which I sing at the moment as part of my therapy (sometimes called self-preservation): "Before I Let You Go" by Freestyle. I'm downloading it now from his sort-of defunct but a back-up of a website.

Sip, you're the best you know that? I couldn't thank you enough. I owe you plenty. I hope things work out better for you. And you know it will if you both are into your dreams and are willing to reach it... you know what I mean. But be prepared to slam into a wall anytime. =)

Yesterday I went to this "resort" blessing all the way in Laguna. It's a party place with a pool. It belonged to Auntie Sola, the sister of Auntie Yoling, my "mother" in the medical mission, as she provided all of us MANGGYAN volunteers a place to stay in for the night (a very comfortable one even) and she was there last night. Anyhow last night.... they made me sing. There was a band - they hired one... and I got a kick-ass Natalie sort-of Imbruglia "Left-of-the-middle" haircut now and I couldn't resist singing Torn. It was really fun to sing with a live band playing, rather than a minus one which I usually sing to, when people ask me to sing in their weddings. Anyway.... the point is, I had fun with my little number -- I was near performing my head off, but I wasn't really into performance level -- I guess I needed a few more, nicer songs for me to get all jumpy and rockstarish like Incubus or Plumb or Evanescence even. I wish. BUT ANYWAY...
The point is, last night, before getting into the van, the band played "Before I Let You Go," I almost cried. I suddenly got addicted to the song. It's so relatable especially at this point in time. And so that's the history of my song of the moment, which I sing at the moment.

I did fail to mention, Barbie was there with me last night. I taped a little of her speaking voice. And I'm just so happy that I don't have a high-pitched, twangy voice.

One more thing... I'm really no miss congeniality. I'm so transparent. It works for me most of the time, but sometimes I wish I could hide it. I'm practising... and practice makes perfect. (But nobody's perfect so why practice?!) Shit. Ok. I'm blabbing stupidity. I better shut up now, lest I sound dumber.

"Kung ang lahat ay may katapusan, itong paglalakbay ay makakarating din sa paroroonan At sa iyong paglisan, ang tanging pabaon ko... ay pag-ibig..." ,Color it Red (Paglisan)

hi! here's a toast to April.
Happy birthday Zig. May you have many more to come! Take care and God Bless. :)

Some kid named Emman Gacusan texted me at 9:16pm, thinking I was Heart Evangelista. I thought it was crazy. This is the 2nd time that this has happened: people thinking that my number belongs to Heart Evangelista -- it's scary. I mean, sure my cell number's really nifty and all because it's so basic and easy to remember, but dear people, I'm no Heart. I'm a Mitzi. Too bad.

Anyway, the poor kid said this:
"mam heart i'm emman gacusan po 11 years ol grade 6 po sa psukan siguro po nagtataka kayo bat nlaman ko ang number nyo naghahanap po ako ng pwedeng mging sponsor" -- +639183465161

I replied to him and said:
"Hijo, hindi ako si Heart."

I thought he'd stop... but he still continued and pushed the fact that I was Heart...
"Gusto ko lang nmam pong makapagtapos sa pagaaral kya ako nkitext sa kaibigan ko naood po kami ng mtb minsan doon po namin nlaman ang #mo sa close friend nyo po"

"Naku po" I thought... but I just replied:
"Hindi talaga ako si Heart. Itanong mo uli yung close friend ni Heart, kung sino man yun kasi hindi talaga ito yung number niya."

Finally he replied with this line:
"Sige po kung talagang hindi ikaw si mam heart salamat na lang poat sorry po at god bless you."

I just told him:
"God Bless you rin Hijo."

And then here's the catch... I was really shocked with this:
"Puwede po bang malaman kung sino po kayp, at sana po matulungan niyo po ako sa wish ko ang adres ko po ay 23 damam de noche st ivc marikino, para po makatapos ako"

I was shocked. I felt two feelings. One was resistance and one was pity... I felt like saying: is this the new gimmick? Text begging?.... and half of me said... Kawawa naman.
I mean, if I could help right, why not?.... but the thing is, I really can't. I'm flat broke now, and another thing is it's not that healthy to just text people and ask them to sponsor you right?... I felt really awkward. So I told him:
"Pasensya ka na, wala rin akong pera. Ang mapapayo ko na lang sa iyo ay ang magapply sa isang scholarship - yun yung isang paraan para makapagtapos ka."

I found it really strange. I just had to blog. Anyway......
The day is almost over. Tomorrow I'll be getting my grades. Wish me luck.

Again, happy birthday Zig.

i will be updating my website soon. this whole grey and orange scheme thing will change. the whole thing will change. i guarantee.

um... happy birthday sean biggerstaff and happy saint patrick's day!

The past week has been a very educational week. Here's why:

1. It's been proven time and again, that when I am deeply hurt/distressed, my poetic juices really drip. I've never written so much "meaningful" and in my humble opinion rather nice & decent poems in a week since the year 2000. Maybe that's why I'm so addicted to depression: cause it's only when the most trying of emotions visit your life that you realize the faintness beauty and the little morale that you have, as compared to the abundance of happiness, maybe even ecstacy prior to your suffering -- which is, for me, a very beautiful topic or point of inspiration to write about. It's a sick reality that I am, but don't get me wrong... I'd rather have life a lot less complicated than the past week. I've had enough time serving myself as a headless chicken.

2. Trust is a very powerful issue for me. I've realized once again, my capacity of apathy. I am a "once burned, never play with fire" type of person especially if it involves trust. I have a tendency to separate myself so as not to be vulnerable once again. It's one of my time tested defense mechanisms, and even if it has protected me so many times, it has also led me to lose so many friends. Because of this realization, I told myself to just pick up the pieces and learn to do defense in action instead of the defense when everything has been said and done. And above all, I learned to constantly re-evaluate the people you really trust. Not because you doubt them, but because you have to be sensitive to them as well: know if they're ready to take the issue that you will share with them. It's not entirely their fault that they break under pressure, but it's yours as well: because you gave them the butter while their hands were warm.

3. Learning the guitar all over again isn't such a bad idea. My dad's guitar has been my constant companion and "best friend" when I had no one but myself. I'm so proud of regaining my kalyo on my fingertips.... I mean, I lost it after not touching the guitar for over 2 years! But it's there once again, with an unsatiable thirst for more new chords/tabs.

4. Piano is such a beautiful thing. Piano is such a beautiful instrument. Piano is... piano was... piano ever will be. I went to a piano recital this morning, as my former teacher Mrs. Calub requested me to sing for intermission... she actually requested me to play, but I squeezed out of it, and told her that I'd sing instead cause I wouldn't be able to practice anymore. This recital was a very small one, only around 6-8 students played, held in the Assumpta Court instead of the auditorium. And it was such a great recital cause it was the first time that I just had to listen to it, and not play! So I wasn't really as nervous or anything. And sitting there as one of the audience [for the first time ever!], I realized so many things I never realized when I was still studying piano. For one I've never believed my mom when she said that, piano, really relaxes you no matter what especially when the person playing it, no matter how amateur the person playing, is playing the piece with their whole heart, body and mind: you will feel it. Number 2: Mrs. Calub, no matter how eccentric, is still the best piano teacher in the world! Number 3: Piano is really my first love. (I've always had a love affair with it!) And I vow that for the summer, I will play an hour of piano everyday, reviewing my old pieces and even learning new ones.

5. Music is my healer.

6. There are two types of silence: the black silence and the gold silence. In this case, Silence presented itself to me as gold... I like the fact that no one can guess what's in your mind. It's eternally wicked! But mostly, I love the fact that silence makes you stronger. Because of silence, I've learned to speak. I've also gained more experience as to when to assert the golden silence. The golden silence should not be used for the wrong purposes.

7. Even if certain people sting you (both close and those whom you barely know), you will always have a friend or 2 or even 3 that will be behind you. And your family will always be there too.

8. Prayers do wonders. They help you to listen.

9. Perception is reality. Be guided by what you perceive, and perceive by what you are guided with.

10. Despite my problems, even if I think them to be as deep, dark and mysterious as the Marianas Trench, I am still loved by God. Graced and blessed in small doses so I will not forget the beauty and goodness of life.

It's not easy to live a life tangled in emotional cobwebs. What's sadder is when these emotional cobwebs that you've been tangled to aren't really your own, but instead a simple consequence of a plan backfired wherein you aren't even directly involved - because you didn't really fuel the flame.

These are the moments that make me question my reality, my priorities and my existence. These are the times when my weakness seeps into myself and then I realize my frailty... my mere humanity.

I step aside from the picture. I know I'm not wanted. And in the burning heat of silence, I criticize myself because I want to be better.
I'm glad that I did... cause I feel stronger now.

Thank you to those who listened. Your honest gestures meant so much at that time. I need not mention who you are, cause you know who you guys are. And I want to thank you, because you helped me pick up myself when I fell.